Sunday, November 20, 2011


Hi family. Hi friends.

I've been trying to take more pictures of my surroundings. It's part of my exercise to focus less on myself. I've been pretty self absorbed this couple of weeks. We almost got a baby and then we didn't and then we did again. Same baby. He's 3 weeks old. I spent an afternoon with him, and of couse fell in love. The mom decided to give the baby to her second cousin, which I felt was a good decision and was at peace. Then the cousin gave the baby back to the mom after a week. The cousin's husband never wanted the baby to begin with. Now the mom wants us to take the baby and of couse we want to so bad.

We spoke with a lawyer here and the whole process in Brazil will take about 6 months - 1 year. We were so stoked. Then we decided to talk to some lawyers in the U.S. I have to say it's mighty convenient to have friends who are lawyers and so generous with their time. David Bennion has been a huge help, so has another friend. Anyway, U.S law requires us to either do it through an adoption agency in the U.S which is not going to happen because we would of had to start the process while we were there and also because it costs more money than we'll probably ever have. The second option is to stay in Brazil. If we have custody over the child for 2 years than we can start the immigration process, similar to what we did when we got married and when my mom came to the U.S, so realistically 3 years at least. I understand why these policies are in effect and I think it's a good thing, but it's hard to accept that we won't be able to adopt this child that we want so much. Of couse I should have figured all this stuff out before I got so involved with the baby and the birth mom. I know, I'm dumb. I just thought it would of been easier since I'm Brazilian and never thought it would of been a problem bringing the child back to the U.S. If the child was biologically our own it would be no problem at all, just some paper work but that's it. Sad. Sad. Sad.

So yeah, I've been pretty sad lately.

But on a good note

  • We've been getting amazing weather. I feel so blessed that we live so close to the ocean, that we can play on the beach every single day. The kids are having so much fun here.
  • In less than a month Enzo will have his Summer break. It's kind of fun to have 2 Summer vacations in one year. It's always fun being in Summer vacation mode. 
  • One of my best friends from High School, who now lives in Italy, rented a house in Itacare for 15 days. She has a 2 year old daughter as well. She arrives today. Fun!
  • In less than a month my mom arrives. I can't wait.
  • The kitty is adorable and no longer scared to play with the kids. 
  • Christian's research is going well. We're amazed at how everyone makes time to talk to everyone else. It's so refreshing, and definitely a good/easy place to do fieldwork.
  • I just got hired by the website Inhabitots. This week I start writing for them. I'm really excited. 
  • We're really excited about our trip around South America. Christian has been planning like crazy. Right now we're thinking about buying a car but if you want to join us we'll get a van instead. We leave in September of 2012 from Itacare and then drive around South America for 3 1/2 months. We'd love to have you along for the ride.
Happy Thanksgiving to you all. 
We sure wish we could be in Martines or Hawaii with everyone else. 


Kaity said...

Thanks for the post. We miss you guys. Sorry about the baby! :( So sad. I wish they had different adoption rules for good people. The trip around South America sounds fun and congrats on the writing job.

Karen said...

Thank you for including us in your day to day journey. love and prayers!

sienna said...

Wow. That does sound very emotionally draining. Sorry it is so so complicated, but I'm glad you have found some people who can help you navigate it all. So fun that your friend and your mom will be there soon to play too!

Mariko said...

This might sound really crazy but... Could your mom help take care of the baby when you go back and forth? Or.... Can you just "take the baby with you on a trip"? when you come back to the states and then just go back frequently enough that it will seem like you live in Brazil?
Do you HAVE to come back to the US? Can't Christian finish there?

I have no idea. Of course this would require you to go back and forth a lot more, but I can't really imagine you not getting this baby after everything that's happened! Plus that mom really needs you to take it...
Stupid immigration!

Damaris @Kitchen Corners said...

We can't just leave the baby with my mom. We need to prove that we've been living with the baby continuously for 2 years before we petition for the child to get legal status in the U.S and no the consulate would not give the baby a travel visa, so really there's no way we can do it. We thought about staying but realistically there's no way, or at least no way that we know of. We don't have enough money, Christian can't legally work here. You know the mom hasn't registered the baby, so technically we could just register the baby as our own biological child ... yeah right. Sometimes I wish I was a dishonest but then again these rules exist because of dishonest people.

Damaris @Kitchen Corners said...

oh yeah and also there's no way we can claim the boy as our own biological child since he's black... it would be pretty obvious that we're not his biological parents.

Mariko said...

Hmmmm. Can you say she was a surrogate mother?